Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
