no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I wear drunk well.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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