Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
