And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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