Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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