Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
