Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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