Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
