you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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