Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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