I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
