She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
