You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
