How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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