Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
