I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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