I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
