Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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