Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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