I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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