When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
