i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
