i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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