Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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