The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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