Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
