My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
