In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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