New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
