Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
