If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
