can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
