He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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