So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
