you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
