Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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