There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
