I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
