Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
