Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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