Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
