Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
