That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
