i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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