Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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