it was like his penis was on wheels.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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