so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Your penis caused this!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
