Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
