I'm jealous of your bromance
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
