i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
