I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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