theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
